Tag Archives: anger

Tea, Anyone?

***Trigger Warning*** I had a psychotherapy session yesterday.  I didn’t start off in the best of moods. The day before (Monday), I had an increasingly rare panic attack at work.  I say increasingly rare, because although I’m an anxious person, … Continue reading

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Aftermath of the Aftermath

I’m good at being quiet, and I think that was always my problem. I know I’m Borderline, I know the sub-types have a code, but I can’t remember what mine is.  It’s the “Quiet” variety, I know that much, because … Continue reading

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Shampoo

*Trigger warning* I am to write like there is no one listening.  Let the words spill onto the pages.  No mopping up of bad language or profanities or thoughts that will offend, because there are things that need to be said … Continue reading

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Errors like straws upon the surface flow: Who would search for pearls must dive below

I’m sorry I suck so much at everything at the moment.  Yes, it matters. I miss every one of you, but I’m finding it difficult to juggle blogging and working and painting and being mental. In my head there is a … Continue reading

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Pain

** Trigger warning** Being held under the dirty water. Naked. Touching.  Waiting for my reaction. Stoic.  Switch off. Dirty things floating, including me. Hair tangled, stuck to my face. Green paint. Laying on the floor. Blood. My baby taken away … Continue reading

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Hopeless Romantic

I have odd fantasies. Wait, that sounds really bad. I day-dream a lot. When I day-dream I get carried away.  It might be a borderline thing, I’m sure I read that somewhere, borderlines are more likely to fantasize about things … Continue reading

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Today

I’m not really sure why I’m finding it so difficult to write at the moment. I think it may be because I feel like I’m repeating myself. For example I feel like I write pages and pages about the fact … Continue reading

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Fish

There are different shades of crazy, nevermind fifty shades of grey. I was a big fish in a small pond, I thought I could do better, grow bigger and better in a larger pond. Now I’m just a small fish and … Continue reading

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Alien

I hate that I am so easily triggered by things. Sure, I can be mindful, and live in the moment, but why does my brain find these connections in the most obscure things?  Quick flashes of memories are not as … Continue reading

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Belonging

One of the last things C said to me was “stay in touch”. I didn’t.  It’s too hard, it’s always too hard. When I was in hospital friendships were made that I though were going to last forever.  I’d never … Continue reading

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