Tag Archives: DID

A Thousand Times Already

Fi’s birthday is coming up. Two years ago I went on a date with someone really special.  It got messed up because he couldn’t be honest.  Occasionally he pops into my brain and I miss what we had, even if … Continue reading

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A Crazy Update

It’s been a while.  It all looks a bit different.  I thought it was about time I dipped my toe back in. I’m still me, and by that I mean I’m still crazy.  There are still triggers and flashbacks, there … Continue reading

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Shampoo

*Trigger warning* I am to write like there is no one listening.  Let the words spill onto the pages.  No mopping up of bad language or profanities or thoughts that will offend, because there are things that need to be said … Continue reading

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Errors like straws upon the surface flow: Who would search for pearls must dive below

I’m sorry I suck so much at everything at the moment.  Yes, it matters. I miss every one of you, but I’m finding it difficult to juggle blogging and working and painting and being mental. In my head there is a … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline, General Thoughts, Mental Health | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Fairweather

I struggle with friendships. Maybe it’s me, or the BPD or the all or nothing thinking or the fact that sometimes I don’t feel human or even that I fear abandonment. I just struggle.  Simple as that.  But that isn’t the … Continue reading

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Clean Water

I’m feeling better after yesterdays outburst. I just needed to say some things.  Today the water feels cleaner. Love Sailor xox

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Pain

** Trigger warning** Being held under the dirty water. Naked. Touching.  Waiting for my reaction. Stoic.  Switch off. Dirty things floating, including me. Hair tangled, stuck to my face. Green paint. Laying on the floor. Blood. My baby taken away … Continue reading

Posted in Mental Health | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Psychos and Superheroes

I’m stepping a toe back into blog land.  It is possible I’m over the blog block, or I could possibly go back into hiding after this. Never mind, I only write when I need to.  There’s no point in forcing … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline, General Thoughts, Mental Health | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Today

I’m not really sure why I’m finding it so difficult to write at the moment. I think it may be because I feel like I’m repeating myself. For example I feel like I write pages and pages about the fact … Continue reading

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Alien

I hate that I am so easily triggered by things. Sure, I can be mindful, and live in the moment, but why does my brain find these connections in the most obscure things?  Quick flashes of memories are not as … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline, General Thoughts, Mental Health | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments