Tag Archives: relationships

Fairweather

I struggle with friendships. Maybe it’s me, or the BPD or the all or nothing thinking or the fact that sometimes I don’t feel human or even that I fear abandonment. I just struggle.  Simple as that.  But that isn’t the … Continue reading

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Today

I’m not really sure why I’m finding it so difficult to write at the moment. I think it may be because I feel like I’m repeating myself. For example I feel like I write pages and pages about the fact … Continue reading

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Alien

I hate that I am so easily triggered by things. Sure, I can be mindful, and live in the moment, but why does my brain find these connections in the most obscure things?  Quick flashes of memories are not as … Continue reading

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Belonging

One of the last things C said to me was “stay in touch”. I didn’t.  It’s too hard, it’s always too hard. When I was in hospital friendships were made that I though were going to last forever.  I’d never … Continue reading

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How To Survive National Singles Awareness Day

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day aka “National Singles Awareness Day“. Bitter? Me? OK, maybe a little. This is the fourth Valentine’s Day I’ve been single. I don’t agree with the commercialism of Valentine’s Day, even if I was coupled up. I don’t get … Continue reading

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Circles

I am chronically suicidal. I don’t know where I got that phase from.  It dawned on me yesterday how long it has been that I haven’t wanted to be alive anymore. I remember arguing with my parents, when I was … Continue reading

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Sailor the Ray of Fucking Sunshine

July 17th 2012……… I’m in pain. I am a pain. There is an energy running through me. It’s not normal energy, its like the nervous pent-up energy. Last night, when we went to bed, Charlotte was angry. She’s been angry … Continue reading

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